


if you turned around

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-01
Updated: 2008-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	if you turned around

Days went by, weeks, and nothing changed. Rose had thought maybe now she'd found a way to fill that emptiness in her chest that had been left gaping once again by the departure of the Doctor, but her copy, her own Doctor, wasn't enough. He wasn't soft-spoken anymore in situations where she needed him to be, he was less gentle, less understanding.

He was thirsty for something, and she couldn't give it to him. She knew what it was, though. She knew because it was the same thing that kept her running to Torchwood, with Torchwood, dealing with aliens all day, every day. She missed the running. Torchwood was different. Her Doctor was restless as well, and he tried, he tried really hard, but she could see it was pulling him out of the house, out there, into the world, to _act_.

She couldn't go, couldn't leave England, but at some point, she realized that he could. He wasn't bound by her invisible chains to one place, he could travel, become... something. It didn't matter. His mind, that brilliant mind, it was still there, but maybe not quite the same mind she knew from her Doctor. Sharper, more instinctive, but something was also missing, some link. It was enough, though, to live on earth and become famous. Not that the Doctor wanted to be famous. He just wanted to help. He needed the travel through space, at least, if he couldn't through time.

Rose came home one evening, tired, dirty, jelly-like substance in her hair and just wanting to climb into bed after a long hot shower, and realized that he was sitting in front of the TV like a normal human being, like - like maybe some of her old boyfriends had, when she'd had something to do and they said they'd wait for her to finish - but she saw the nervous tick of his hand, the constant tapping of his foot, _thump, thump, thump_, like his mind was going crazy in his head, swirling with thoughts. And she realized this wasn't a life for him. She realized that it wasn't enough, that there was a reason the Doctor and her had never found a way, when the Doctor _always_ found a way, always. She just wasn't enough. Nobody was.

He climbed into bed with her that evening and smiled at her, eyes restless, wandering, always wandering, and they made love, like they'd been doing for the past months, and it was good, it was brilliant, but afterwards, he didn't look happy. He looked older, and worried.

She bought him a ticket to Egypt with her money, set him up an account, introduced him to an archeologist she knew from Torchwood who dealt with alien artefacts and travelled the world in search of knowledge and understanding, and when the Doctor shook the boy's hand, cheekily saying, "I'm the Doctor, oy, you're a bit young to do that kind of work, aren't you?" she knew another void was just starting to grow between them, and there always would be, because Time Lords, no matter how human, just couldn't stay still, in one place, because the Doctor was still the Doctor in all the ways that mattered. She just couldn't travel with him, she couldn't because she had a job to do. Responsibility. It wasn't enough to hand her a guy, and say, 'Here, he's your responsibility'. He wasn't the only one she had.

She went with him to Syria, a bit later that year, taking her month vacation, but it was different. It wasn't like _their_ travels because they weren't the same them anymore. They were different people. But she liked watching her Doctor work, as she'd always loved it, helping people, saving the world one spot at a time.

The thing was, it wasn't enough for her either.

~*~

Princess Rrehrdyn from the Carolinnian Trarg went missing when her vessel stopped for an energy transfer in the London area, and Torchwood went half out of its mind with panic. They were a very influential family in their solar system, and the Earth wasn't an optimal place for a feline-like alien lifeform to get lost wandering the streets.

"If she isn't found, we're going to have the intergalactic police on our hands," Tanya complained to Rose as they hurried towards the conference room. "And how do you find a single little girl in a city like this? If she was abducted, we're shit out of luck anyway, and if she wasn't, she'll be wandering around, not knowing where she is, and possibly how to talk to us - god, I wish these aliens would finally start wearing portable transmitting devices like all intelligent human beings."

"I bet they'll find her soon," Rose said. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Intergalactic police?" Tanya repeated. "That's bad enough, dontcha think?"

Rose almost smiled. It wasn't by far the worst thing she could think of, but there was no point in flaunting her pessimistic opinion about. They'd get briefed soon enough.

~*~

"Martha Jones, I'm a medical student here," the tall, dark-skinned woman introduced herself, smiling with her head tilted to the side, flashing her white teeth.

"Rose Tyler. I'm with Torchwood."

"Right, I've been expecting one of you guys to drop by."

Rose allowed herself to smile back and felt her back muscles relax under her special ops uniform, just like that. Unexpected, she thought, that this happened now, but she could see the stubborn, set face of the girl on the screen reflected back at her, and remembered from when they had embraced the scent of sweat, adrenaline and cinnamon, almost like Martha had been home shortly before they'd met.

This, however, wasn't the Martha Jones from the Tardis. This wasn't a warrior. But then, Rose thought, she'd had enough warriors in her life to deserve a break. "You've seen her, then? The princess?" she asked, looking around the white-painted waiting room, almost as if expecting her to turn up in one of the many hallways.

"More than that, she's here," Martha said. "Don't panic, though, it's not grave. She had a car accident, apparently ran on the street without looking. Mild concussion, but no other injuries. She was asleep when I checked up on her an hour ago."

"You have _no_ idea what a relief that is," Rose breathed out. "Her family's been giving us some pressure. She's the heiress. How did you identify -?"

"She flickers," Martha grinned. "And I do watch the news. Little girl missing, Torchwood on the run, I got what is almost certainly an alien girl in a hospital bed. Let's say the pieces fell together."

Rose grinned back. "You're good."

"I know."

No wonder the Doctor had liked her so much, Rose thought and followed Martha as she led the way towards Rrehrdyn's room. She wasn't brash nor bothersome, but fiercly smart and stubbornly determined to prove herself.

"You've seen aliens before, then?" Rose asked, in part to get to know more about this version of Martha Jones, in part to keep the conversation going. There was something soothing about Martha's voice, about the way she intoned words, formed sentences around them. Something professional, but at the same time companionable. Like one could spend hours upon hours listening to her talk, and it would never get boring.

"Not really seen, in that sense," Martha explained as they made for a door at the far end of the hallway. Rose realized a second later that it was not a door but an elevator. "I mean, you never know, right? That's the funny part. But other than on the news, I guess not. I've never treated one before personally, or if I did, it was perfectly human."

"You're taking it quite well, in that case. Most people run first and ask questions later."

"It's not exactly like I was smacked in the face with the existence of alien life form or anything, like some other people are."

"True."

The elevator set in motion, and three more people who were riding with them got off on the first floor up, and they were left alone to ride another floor up. Rose felt a shiver as she watched Martha peer into her paperwork that she'd picked up at the reception earlier, like a reminder that this was not the same woman she'd seen before. This was completely different.

And yet. Rose wasn't sure why this sudden coincidental meeting, why now. Or maybe, she then corrected herself, it was just that she had not known anything about Martha before. For all she knew, she had crossed paths with her in the last years she'd spent in this universe and just couldn't remember. It had been the same with meeting Sarah Jane, and Donna... well. All kinds of conspiracy theories had been going on in her head since Donna.

"You look like you've got a lot on your mind," Martha commented when the elevator finally dinged and the doors opened. "And you've been looking at me like I've got something on my face." She paused. "I don't, do I?"

"No, no." Rose gave her a reassuring smile. "I just... feel like we've met before." Which they had, but Martha didn't know that.

"I think I'd remember," she said, with a wink and a broad smile the flirtatious nature of which Rose didn't want to examine further.

It didn't take Rose long to find out that she'd been right with her initial estimation. Martha didn't have anything to do with organizations or soldiering or even aliens, she was just a typical student with two siblings and fairly ordinary parents and she seemed... happy. Happier than the Martha Jones Rose had met aboard the Tardis.

And there was one more difference; the Martha from before, she'd had eyes mostly for the Doctor, and for Jack, and they'd... fit. Maybe, Rose thought, if she'd never been there, if the Doctor hadn't met her first, things would have been different for Martha. This Martha, the one walking beside her, chatting away in a way that said 'friend', was more aware of Rose, almost like there was something about Rose that pulled her in, made her interested. Attracted, Rose might have said, but she wasn't so sure if that was the right word.

The little girl in the hospital bed was lying down still, but no longer asleep, her huge green eyes open and blinking, pupils akin to slits.

"Your Majesty," Rose said. "Can you understand me?"

The girl blinked, once. Rose took it for a yes, though it might have just as well been a no. She turned to Martha and asked, "Has she spoken, at all?"

"No."

"Damn. Forgot her translation circuit, then. Maybe she's learned a few words of English anyway. Who knows what they teach the kids these days in that part of the universe."

Martha nodded and gestured. "Feel free to try and get a word out of her. I'm not sure you should get her back to HQ just yet, though, she needs to rest, best stay overnight for observation."

"No, that won't be possible, I'm afraid. Her family is waiting, they're ready for departure. And I assure you they have by far better equipped healers than we humans do."

"Hm." Martha hesitated. "They're not going to come here, though, are they? In their original form and with spaceship or whatever they use to travel? I mean, the other patients..."

Rose frowned. "If your ladyship can walk," she said to the princess, "we would be able to make our way back to your family?"

The girl blinked again and rose from her lying position into a sitting one. "Family," she repeated, careful of the pronounciation.

"Well," Martha said, giving Rose a look. "That decides it, I guess."

Rose nodded. "Thank you, really, so much, for contacting us." She grinned. "And so, once again, the Earth is saved from invasion and war." Before Martha could figure out the appropriate reaction - wavering between amusement and horror - she'd grabbed the little head-piece of technology that had been hanging off of her, unused till now, and flicked a button or two, turning the transmission back on, then said, "Guys, we're clear, bring a vehicle for transport of the princess. Make it safe and fast. You have my location."

~*~

The Doctor switched on his cell phone at the second ring that night, even though it had to be midday from his time zone. He should be on Hawaii these days, she thought as she glanced to her calendar, the one where she'd marked all his locations for the foreseable future. But who knew if he actually kept to the plan. He'd always been a rather free spirit.

"Rose," he said, with obvious pleasure at hearing her. "Haven't spoken to you in a couple days. How are things going?"

"Fine, fine." Rose smiled at the enthusiasm. "Where are you? How's Ewyn? He still clinging to your fast-paced travelling or has he skived off by now?" It had, after all, been a couple of months. The Doctor was a demanding person by all means. No one would blame him.

"Still hanging on," the Doctor commented. "Still hasn't lost his teeth either, oh yes. He's good. A bit young, maybe. Oy, stop that, haven't I told you not to - I'm sorry, Rose. We're in the middle of a... volcano fallowed field or something, and I'm almost sure I've seen something like this before, but I can't quite - ah. Ewyn!"

"It's always the same with you," Rose smiled into the receiver. "Isn't it."

"Almost, oh yes," the Doctor said. "But it's always a little different too. When are you going to come with me again, Rose? I miss you."

"I can't," Rose sighed. "You know that. You could come up to England though, once in a while? It would be nice. You could meet the people here. My mum's been on my case for a while now, asking me why I let you go."

"Oh, Rose."

"But that's not why I'm calling. Doctor - I met Martha today."

"Martha - Martha Jones?" The Doctor's tone of voice changed, grew fond and full of obvious pleasure. "Really? That's nice, isn't it? She's brilliant, isn't she?"

"Yes," Rose laughed. "She is. She's a doctor."

"Oh, that's brilliant, see? Always become a doctor if you don't know how else to save the world. How's she? I never considered looking her up. She must be almost finished with her internship by now, right? Becoming a real doctor?"

"I don't know," Rose said. "She helped with a case."

"She's Torchwood?"

"No, no. She - unlike the other Martha, she's got nothing at all to do with organizations. She's gentle and - I can't quite see her as a fighter, you know? The soldier I've seen, that's not her. Not here."

"That's good," the Doctor said. She could hear the smile on his face. "Always thought you'd be good friends. Take care of her for me, will you? She suffered so much, in that other life, through me, her whole family traumatized. Look after her a bit?"

"I might," Rose said slowly. "I might just do that."

The Doctor fell into long monologues on the strange quality of the vulcanic rocks in the close area, and Ewyn started to chime in once in a while, saying "Hi Rose!" when she greeted him through the cell and she listened for a while before she grew tired. It was a nice conclusion to the evening, and she almost felt like she was there, beside the Doctor, beside Ewyn, another companion again, just for a little while. But there was no Tardis, and there would be no other planets, other times, just the Earth, the here and now, and she thought there had to be something here, for her alone, to make the life in chains more bearable.

~*~

It took a few days, monotonous work, paperwork, mostly, tracking CCTV footage in her designated area, listening in on boring board meetings and sitting through advanced education seminars that dealt with how to approach alien life forms, how to stay safe while in a danger situation - all things she'd learned with the Doctor hands-on, all things she already knew. But these people needed her to be normal, like them, otherwise they'd grow weary and jealous and that might cost her the influence she had in the institute, she was well aware of that.

Then, it seemed, just as she'd gathered up the courage herself to maybe, possibly do something, her phone rang - work phone, in her little office, and when she picked up, she was more than surprised to hear Martha's voice.

"Rose?"

"It's me," she replied. "How did you get this number?"

"Some doctor sent me a message with it being the only content beside your name and... his or her working title, I assume. Is that a friend of yours?"

"He's - a friend, yeah. But he's not a doctor, it's a long story, really. Uhm. Why are you calling?"

Martha gave an uneasy sound, then said, "I'd love to say because he told me so, but frankly, I have no idea. I guess - I was going to invite you for a coffee after work?"

Rose sucked on her bottom lip, still a little floored. "Just to clarify," she then said. "Coffee... date?"

She could hear Martha exhale, obviously nervous. "It doesn't have to be," the other woman said. "We could just talk or something. I'm curious. I've never talked to anyone who's known aliens up close and personal before. But - well. We can just look how it goes, I guess?"

"I'm not gay," Rose said, helpless.

"That's fine. I mean. I am, but, it's not like, my most defining feature if you know what I mean. And I tend to tell people up front so there's no big surprises later, but really, it's not like I'm going to jump you just because you're a woman and I happen to like women that way, I mean -"

Rose grinned. She couldn't help it. "I understand," she said. "I don't think being gay is so high up the list of things that are surprising to me, personally. If you'd seen what I've seen, believe me, all the uproar about _that_ quickly becomes really old. Talk about a 51th century conman who'll try to put his cock near everything that crosses his path -"

Martha laughed, which was a nice sound. "I must have met him in that bar two nights ago, there was one just like him."

"Do you want to meet today?" Rose asked, still smiling.

"When do you get out of work? I had the early shift, that means I'll be home around three or four, but if you're working late -"

"Oh, dear God, no, I'll be glad to have an excuse to get out of here, normally I just work through the day. We're not so big on hours in this institute."

"Uhm, five? There's a Starbucks at South Colonnade, how about we meet up there?"

"Sounds good. Let me give my commander a heads-up and I'll meet you there."

And so they started to date. Just like that.

~*~

Rose caught herself returning home to her apartment earlier again and only realized afterwards that it was because she had someone to come back _to_, again. She'd done the same at the beginning, when the Doctor had still been with her, had tried to come home early enough so they'd have enough time to talk, to spend together; but then, towards the end, as they'd drifted apart, she'd stayed away longer and longer in the evenings, walking the empty halls of the Torchwood building, wanting to push the inevitable further away.

There were dates waiting for her now, cinema, movie evenings, coffee, making dinner together. It was normal. She liked it. Martha never stayed, though, always went home, no matter how late it was, almost like she was putting up a barrier between them. Keeping herself from - something. Maybe from falling for Rose.

"I tend to fall for the wrong people," she once shared, as they sat opposite each other on a park bench, a game of chess between them. It was warm, and the trees were giving enough cooling shadow that the sun's rays didn't make them sweat. "Unavailable people," she then corrected herself and made a move. "Story of my life, that."

It made Rose think of Mickey and what he'd shared, of his counterpart in this world having a boyfriend, how he'd been shocked and apprehensive until he understood that things weren't written in stone, that people changed for their experiences, for the people they met, that different history led to different choices. That maybe, if he was absolutely honest with himself and her, he could imagine, if he ever met a guy he liked, he _could_ fall in love, no matter gay or straight or anything in between.

It had been quite the admission to make, for Mickey. Especially for Mickey. But then, Rose thought, Mickey had grown, most of all, confident and secure in being himself.

"I could do it," she said, into the silence that stretched like a rubber band.

"Do what?" Martha asked, squinted at her.

"Be more open," Rose said. "I... I've loved - so many people. People from now, from my past, from the future, from so far in the future, and an alien. A man, but not a man. I loved him most of all. What's loving a girl, when I've loved a person as complex, as different - and he was different than any human you've ever seen."

Martha stared at her, and kept staring, considering, a little frown between her eyebrows, until Rose leaned over and almost tipped over her king while reaching for Martha's face, caressing the line of her jaw, following the smooth skin to her ear, putting her hand to that by now comforting, familiar, loveable face. She tilted her head so that they'd fit and kissed her, right then, right there, in the middle of the parallel universe, and hoped it was watching, because she was making her own life.

Taking responsibility. Choosing. She'd have to call the Doctor later, she thought, giddy, and tell him all about it. But before that, she'd enjoy the texture of Martha's mouth, the shy touch of her tongue against her own, and the way Martha leaned over the table to get more.

~*~

_~~ written July 2008_


End file.
